Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
