clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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