i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
