i just wanna soil my oats bro
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
