She's like a pop up book from hell.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
