I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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