they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize