I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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