At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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