Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
