i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
