you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
