You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
