if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
