Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think I won the penis lottery.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
