I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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