i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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