is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm at about main and main street
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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