fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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