I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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