I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He felt like a one man threesome
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
