That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
