I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
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Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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