i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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