just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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