Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
