Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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