I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How's work?
Spinning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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