i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
