my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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