If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is the high leading the old right now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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