They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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