: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
