Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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