Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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