So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
