I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am naked and annoyed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
