You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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