Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
