sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
