I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
