What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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