It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
