Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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