I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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