if you like me you must not know who I am
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
