the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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