Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
false alarm. still invincible.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize