im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
