hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
