i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
