This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
