you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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