if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
