I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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