Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize