I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
