I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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