Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is Oprah even human
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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