just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Congratulations! We have a period
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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