Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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