I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
