it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
