your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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