I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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