Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
