I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
