He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
