I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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