I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
