AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
