My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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